This is really the end.

Really, I question myself how foolish I can get to believe things would change for the better and that he would really prove himself because he really wants to marry me so darn badly. I'm a fucking fool. If a guy wants to marry a woman SO BADLY... Would a guy behave like this then? Would a guy not even attempt to quickly fulfill his promises? Would a guy not be eager to prove himself? Would a guy not want to discuss future plans, saving plans and housing plans? He hasn't done any of it. At. All.

Maybe you might find it hard to believe but I'm really going to get married to someone in August this year.

So going down the timeline...

Rich has only got till May to prove himself and if he successfully proved himself... he will have to propose to me in May. That is if he wants to be the one I marry to in August. But he made no attempt so far and it's already March.

That's why I really couldn't understand what makes Rich not be planning the 3 events all these while? He probably thinks I'm joking about it. Well... if he really does, then so be it.

Just based on the situation now, he will only finish his 3 events by the end of May. He will have absolutely no time at all for the proposal. And so, as you can already see... this is already the end of us... however sad it may be, I guess when it's seriously time to let go you fucking just have to do it. This cannot keep dragging on because I'm already 26 coming SEPTEMBER THIS YEAR! Fuck me. I'm so fucking old.

Even if I knew getting married by the age of 25 is already not possible, I still do not want to deviate too far from it. I still want some alone time without children. I'm not waiting anymore. I can't imagine only getting married at the age of 27 or 28 and having a child at 29 years old. I just have to let him go.

By May, if things have to turn a lil rough, I'll need to end the relationship and search for my future husband. I shall give myself 3 months to get to know the man before marrying him. And guess what? I'll still be 25 years old if I do get married in August this year. That's not that bad, isn't it? :)