In a dilemma

Is this right?

I can't think of any ways to salvage the situation.

I feel that things are going because I've been pushing it.

And I can't be pushing it forever... because I absolutely can't stand being the one who is pushing things so that things get going.

I still don't feel wanted. By him.

And I still want to get out in May. I guess I'll just hold it till we celebrate his birthday for the last time.

And the trip... I don't know if he should join anymore.