Drained.

Drained from work. And work. And work.

And personal commitment.

Sometimes, I just wish to isolate myself from the outside world where the pace can go slower and I can just sit back, relax, sip from a cup of tea (that never turns cold) and read a book with soothing music playing at the background.

Completely cut off from the world for a day.

Wouldn't that be great?

A week of valentines

This week was crazily hectic. I can't seem to find any time to do my lesson plans... I was just rushing so much during lesson as well. I called that speed-teaching 'coz I have to complete the syllabus and return the files by Tuesday, next week. Feeling the pressure, honestly...

Anyway, we had a great Tuesday (V'day) eating at the hawker. Rich brought me out for dinner on Thursday. I brought him out for dinner on Saturday. Pictures to be posted... when I can find the time. Haha...

Lost it.

My moodswing is getting severe and beyond my control. I tried hard to pretend I'm okay but I can't. Every day when I wake up I feel that void and I couldn't find a reason for it. Some days it didn't feel so bad but there were others which were just overwhelming I find it so difficult to even put on a fake smile to my colleagues. Is it signs of depression?

Today we met up with Yvonne and Wei Bing. I could feel her energy even though she was exhausted from planning her wedding. I'm filled with envy. How I wish I could also be like that... She knows what she's doing, where she's heading and she is working hard towards her desired outcome. What about me?

I have no goals in life. I can't look forward to my home tuition. I can't look forward to having a married life. I can't look forward to planning a wedding. I can't even look forward to V' day. Did I lose it?

I think Rich made me lose it. Our used-to-be-existing future that has become a forbidden topic. It's really tough for me to be with someone who doesn't have any future plans in mind. And honestly, unlike Yvonne, I don't wish to push it. If he wants a future with me, he should have the drive and enthusiasm to sit down and plan things together. If he wants me so badly, he should be eager to buy a house and marry me. But all I see was plenty of excuses and contemplation and procrastination.

He doesn't even bother discussing any financial plans with me?

I've watched shows and you may have thought that shows are just shows but the truth is they do depict reality. A man who is ready to settle down would be eager to find out just how much money he needs and how much more he needs to earn. But this man? He has no clue and no desire to calculate.

I'm scared of this man whom I'm dating. The longer we are together, the more I feel that I don't know him. I'm scared... because every single day... I'm beginning to find out he is really just... not my man.

Every day I feel so unloved and unwanted. Every day.

I just want to quit.

Oh, I found my bottle! Right...

I've no idea why he decided to mail it to my house... but I'm thankful for it. Well... since I lost mine. It's such a trivial thing honestly and I didn't really put in much thought... I didn't even think of replacing it ('coz I was so busy with my work and totally exhausted to think much after work) but I truly appreciate it. That he didn't just overlook such a pinky small thing... =)

Actually, I already kind of guessed that he would be buying me one. I just don't know when it will ever come... HAHA.

FOR SUNNY!

Today, in order to motivate each other to lose weight, we decided to reward each other when we reach our target weight.

Rich is going to buy me my sunny when I reach 53kg and then uLove when I reach 50kg.

I will give him $3.5k when he reaches 73kg and then $5k when he reaches 70kg.

To make sure we will work really, really hard towards our goals... the first person to reach his or her goal will be rewarded and the goal becomes obsolete for the other person. E.g. If I reach 53kg first, I will get my sunny and when he reaches 73kg, he gets nothing. And if things go well and I lose another 3kg to reach 50kg earlier than him, he will buy me uLove and he gets nothing when he reaches 70kg.

=D

I am going to make sure I get my sunny first. For my pocket and for sunny!

A Cozy Saturday

Another Saturday gone just teaching from 9 to 6. However, I was looking forward to seeing Rich at the end of the last class. It was just like any other evening. We ate at Pepper Lunch. I was disappointed with my Jumbo Steak Rice and didn't finish it. We had waffle ice-cream at Gelare. I was disappointed with the waffle but I did finish my portion. All else can fail but as long as the company is right... the day can still feel good. It wasn't great but it was good.

Squashed ourselves into the seat meant for an adult and a child and had a cozy bus ride back to Tampines. Walked home with a pack of nuggets we had bought from the store recommended by Mei Ling. Spent some time just cuddling and talking about silly things.

It's nice to have an evening spent this way once in awhile.